Raped By Trees

December 5, 2014

No. 14… think about this:

Pollen is essentially ‘plant sperm’. Therefore, this makes hay fever an STD. Since no one voluntarily takes in pollen, I’ve concluded we’re all being raped by trees.

Our bodies are weird, but in a good way..


Walk On The Wild Side

March 15, 2010
Willie in shades

Taking a walk around the block

He’s looking sharp (NOT!) but we wanted to get him out of the house so took a stroll around the block.

This was the day he was served w/papers notifying him about the conservatorship filing. Like he really cared… the poor processor was very nervous about it all and I felt sorry for him. Maybe he didn’t like the idea of being in a home with a bunch of handicapped kids. Oh well – job done… for now.

Oh, and he sticks his tongue out occasionally just to be different… I guess. Nobody’s ever asked him why.


James Brown’s body is ‘missing from its crypt’, alleges singer’s daughter | Mail Online

March 12, 2010

James Brown’s body is ‘missing from its crypt’, alleges singer’s daughter | Mail Online

Oh my… this is almost as bad as the mystery about Ted William’s head.


Botched Butt-Enhancing Procedures | FOXNews.com

March 8, 2010

6 Women Hospitalized After Botched Butt-Enhancing Procedures – Incredible Health – FOXNews.com

Hardware-grade caulk? That’s used to seal bathroom tiles – oh my…


Why Men Don’t Write Advice Columns

January 19, 2010

From the Nashville Blotter…

Dear Walter,

I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn’t gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband’s help. When I got home I couldn’t believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbor lady. I am 32, my husband is 34, and we have been married for twelve years.

When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. He won’t go to counseling and I’m afraid I can’t get through to him anymore.

Can you please help?

Sincerely,
Sheila

Dear Sheila,

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber.

Hope this helps,
Walter


Weight Watchers clinic floor collapses under dieters – Telegraph

January 15, 2010

Weight Watchers clinic floor collapses under dieters – Telegraph

This is just TOO. DAMN. FUNNY!!!